Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
