just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
