I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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