Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
