Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
