Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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