I want to walk on stilts...naked
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
