I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
