hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I have fence marks all over my body
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
