She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
