Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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