hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
