is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
pray to the hookup gods
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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