i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
