I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
