I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
