All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We have started to decorate penises.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
