**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
