i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
