We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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