Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
