I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
did you just send me my own nude
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
