So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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