last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
