She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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