okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
