The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
