On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
