she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
