oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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