Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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