Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
should my penis look like a turkey
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is the high leading the old right now
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
