to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
