tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
