you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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