I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
