Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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