Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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