I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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