I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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