Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
