I swear she didn't look like that last week.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
