Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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