benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
