As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
