I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
