I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
