why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
handjob tips. give me some.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why is there bacon in the couch?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
