3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize