absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
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