I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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