i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish I could teleport
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
