When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
