Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize