Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize