Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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