omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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