on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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