So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Fuck me I smell like cheese
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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