sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
