Say something about gay babies.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
