Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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