You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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