just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
