There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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