I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
