Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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