a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
